Particular Parents

Sometimes Lea and I don’t agree on certain things…imagine that. For many decisions, there is a lot of back and forth discussion before we arrive at something we can both live with. We’re both particular about many things and we can have strong opinions. It doesn’t make things easy and decisions that should not be so difficult become a long and drawn out processes of compromise. Sometimes we go back and forth long enough on an issue that we talk each other into seeing a different point of view only to realize that we have switched sides are still on opposite ends of the spectrum.

The decisions about Johnny’s grave marker are a good example of this. Arriving at a final decision required significant discussion and multiple designs. I’m sure the person we were working with thought we were strange at times. By the time we finally agreed on a design and stone, and placed the order, it was going to be too late in the year last year to install the marker. Winter was setting in, and the frost was already in the ground. This was kind of a disappointment - that we didn’t get this done before winter, but we just felt like it was important that the marker was something we both could agree upon and feel really good about together and individually. And so it required a lot of time. Multiple designs of the layout, the artwork to include, the layout, and finally the stone. We finally agreed on a stone that comes from a quarry in India. Yes, as in India on the other side of the world, not Indiana.

Now that spring is here, I called the monument company to check on the status. The stone is made and is somewhere in Wisconsin, ready for delivery to the cemetery any day now. It’s just a matter of time now and the need for good weather so things dry out. We will both be glad when the marker is in. It’s always felt like unfinished business to me, so we will be glad to have that done. A permanent marker to honor Johnny’s life.

Right after Johnny was born, I was talking to his cardiologist and she described him as “surprisingly complex”. I always liked that. Johnny’s heart was complex, and so are his parents, and the whole process of choosing a marker for him illustrates the point. But we are who we are and hopefully our particulars and complexities strengthen us more than they create challenges for us.

As we have started to talk about the next few weeks and what they mean to us, we are again keenly aware of our differences. We will need different things, space to move through these comings days how we need to, so they are meaningful, healing, and that whatever the path we take we will come through united in our commitments to each other and our family. People continue to tell us they are praying for us and we are thankful for that. God hears those prayers and continues to sustain us daily. Thank you.